Top 10-#9 People Are Irreplaceable...

When you enter or leave a room, the room is different. That’s because you bring things no one else can bring. You bring the totality of who you are to every situation: your history, personality, gifts, passions, spirit–everything! You communicate you, and you do it all the time. In our business world of hiring and firing, one can get the impression that just any body will do. But’s it’s just not true. When you fill a position, you fill it like no other. And when you leave, your position really goes with you. Nobody will ever do the job like you do it. There may be close to 7 billion people in the world. But each one is incredibly valuable and unique. No one will ever take your place. You bring something to the world that no one else brings. That’s why figuring out who you are and what you bring are so important. If you don’t bring who you are and give the gifts only you can give, the world will miss out. That’s because you are irreplaceable.   The photo is of my dad, Marv Buenting, known to his grandchildren as,...

Top 10-#8 I Matter

According to astronomers, our galaxy—the Milky Way—contains up to 400 billion stars. You could fit a million of our earths in our sun; yet our sun is tiny compared to Eta Carinae, an enormous star that is a million times brighter than our sun. We are still finding planets and stars and galaxies. We are not even a spec on a spec on a spec compared to the enormity of the universe. So how could God manage the universe and still care about me? I am finite. Not only do I have a measurable beginning (birth) and end (death), I am very limited in my abilities. I have a finite capacity to multi-task, am terrible with details, forget stuff on a regular basis, and sometimes make bad decisions. I am only so smart; I will never be a brain surgeon or even a famous drummer. We often assign value to things that are rare. Gold and diamonds are considered rare (perception is everything), so they are expensive. People with unique abilities are looked up to because they are rare. Billionaires are a small minority. Twinkie snack cakes rose in value when it looked like they were going away. However, people are not rare. You only have to visit India or a big city to realize this. We are somewhere around 7 billion on the planet now. Wow, not rare. So how much value do I as an individual actually have? I’m not rare and I’m really, really tiny in the grand scheme of things. Imagine getting the most famous brains from history in one room: Einstein, Tesla, Jesus, Da Vinci, Polgar, Jobs, Neuton, and a few dozen others. Think of the brainpower you would have. Yet they would be limited. Imagine a being that...

044: Independence Jul04

044: Independence

http://media.blubrry.com/gcoyl/p/media.medeor.co/gcoyl/44-Independence_Dependence.mp3Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 37:25 — 34.3MB)As The United States of America celebrates its birthday, Jack Woloshun & Dr. Deb thought it a good time to discuss various types of dependence and independence we have in relationships. Related articles: Independence (companion article) Crap Do You Need A Life Coach? Mentioned by Jack: Book by Dr. Caroline Leaf: Think and Eat Yourself Smart: A Neuroscientific Approach to a Sharper Mind and Healthier...

Independence

As The United States celebrates its Independence Day, I thought it fitting to consider various forms of dependency. Dependence is defined as the state of needing something or someone else. Like it or not, we are dependent on each other for all kinds of things. We need acceptance, love and affection from others because we are social beings. A newborn child left alone without touch will die. We are dependent on each other to follow socially accepted behavior like stopping at red lights and contributing to common things like roads and schools. In relationships, we are dependent on each other to be there to share the workload, make a meaningful contribution and live up to our commitments. Healthy dependence is a really, really positive thing. Independence is freedom from the control, influence, support, aid, or the like, of others. When the 13 American colonies were no longer satisfied with British rule (and taxation without representation), they sought a divorce. It’s not unlike the recent decision by Britain to pull out of the European Union to preserve its sovereignty. It’s not unlike states in human development. Two that come to mind are the terrible twos. I think the twos are called terrible because children seek independence from their parents and other caretakers because they are coming into their own. They are clumsy and awkward, but they are determined to get around! Unfortunately, they don’t yet recognize the limits of social and character boundaries, so tend to severely test those around them. The other significant stage of finding independence IS, of course, during the teenage years. Children are transitioning to adulthood with changing bodies, increased responsibilities and fewer apron strings. Yet their raging hormones and lack of fully developed prefrontal cortexes (decision-making that fully grasps consequences)...

You Can Do It!

I did it! My fancy automatic espresso machine was jacked; it seemed to have a problem, and I couldn’t figure out if it was mechanical or electrical. Turns out, it was neither. It was coffee; stuck coffee. Yup, the thing they don’t tell you (up front) when you get one of these complicated systems is the kind of regular and periodic maintenance you need to perform. But I fixed it! What motivated me was not wanting to ship the machine back to Seattle where it was purchased. Besides, I had just thrown out the box (after almost 6 months)! So I educated myself. I did online searches to find articles and videos to solve my problem. Then I performed the surgery. And did I mention I fixed it?!! Some things are not worth our time (if you can afford an alternative). And some things are above our skill level (like fixing my garage’s concrete foundation). Other things are just a matter of researching and believing in ourselves. You have incredible value because you’re made in God’s image. That’s not an issue. True self-esteem comes with doing a job well done. It grows when we stretch ourselves and accomplish things we didn’t know were in us. It comes from fixing your fancy coffee machine, forgiving, or rising to some other challenge. We are our own worst enemies because we doubt ourselves. We have to rewire our brains to believe what others (especially God) see in us. Now go do that thing you need to do. You can do it!   Royalty-free image by Borb Krisztin; retrieved...

Less Than You Are

It’s common for many to grow up with phrases repeated over and over to them: “Who do you think you are?” “I don’t want you to get a big head” and “You don’t know very much do you?” These get stuck in our heads and affect what we think of ourselves and how we do life. Unfortunately, they are only partially true. We don’t really understand our worth. I’m reading through the Bible’s New Testament and came across a very interesting phrase. It’s in The Message translation; it offered me a fresh perspective. “I don’t want you to become part of something that reduces you to less than yourself.” That’s what the apostle Paul wrote to the Christ-followers at Corinth in Greece. Because we don’t understand our worth, we engage in thoughts and activities all the time that reduce us to less than ourselves. Lying, cheating, exaggerating, hating, fighting, despising, bragging, withholding, clinging, being arrogant and selfish. All these are practices that reduce us to less than ourselves. It’s why things like pornography are so insidious. (You really are better than that.) You were created for real relationships, not fake ones. What are you thinking or doing that reduces you to less than yourself? Are you in a toxic relationship? Do you engage in unhealthy behavior? Are you stuck in a job that’s killing you? You have incredible value. You have aspects of the divine in you. The planets, plants, animals, and angels are awesome. But they are not made in God’s image as you are. Consider your worth. Then consider the things that reduce you to less than yourself and make changes.   1 Corinthians 10:20 in The Message Royalty-free image by “beermug” (real name not listed); retrieved...

Self-Esteem

by Daniel Jernejcic Daniel was a student in one of interpersonal communication classes. He has Asperger’s Syndrome, a condition that makes it challenging for him to concentrate, remember, socialize and communicate. Daniel is very bright. But because of his disorder, he often feels like a failure. His final project was this presentation on self-esteem. Here’s to all the Daniels of the world and all of us who struggle with a healthy personal perspective. Self-esteem refers to a person’s belief in themselves. High self-esteem is the ideal frame of mind a person needs to be happy. Having good self-esteem gives you more energy and makes you more productive in all matters, not just involving work, but in all facets of life. Good self-esteem allows you to do things you thought were impossible. There are many ways to raise your self-esteem. Taking pride in your personal appearance is one way. For instance, you can work out at home or at a gym. Another way is to take part in an activity or activities you know you’re good at. Poor self-esteem can lead to many problems, such as depression, inactivity, or even suicidal thoughts. Self-destructive thoughts are the killer of good self-esteem, and the first step to counteracting them is to be conscious of when they are happening. The first manifestations often come in the form of tearing yourself down—thoughts like, “you’re worthless,” or “you’re simply not good enough.” Comedian Christopher Titus once referred to that voice as, “your inner idiot.” It’s a voice that contradicts every good thought you think of yourself. When you find yourself thinking something good about yourself, pay attention for signs of follow-up thoughts that negatively contradict it. It’s important to quickly counter self-destructive thoughts. One way is to immediately counter it...