Independence

As The United States celebrates its Independence Day, I thought it fitting to consider various forms of dependency. Dependence is defined as the state of needing something or someone else. Like it or not, we are dependent on each other for all kinds of things. We need acceptance, love and affection from others because we are social beings. A newborn child left alone without touch will die. We are dependent on each other to follow socially accepted behavior like stopping at red lights and contributing to common things like roads and schools. In relationships, we are dependent on each other to be there to share the workload, make a meaningful contribution and live up to our commitments. Healthy dependence is a really, really positive thing. Independence is freedom from the control, influence, support, aid, or the like, of others. When the 13 American colonies were no longer satisfied with British rule (and taxation without representation), they sought a divorce. It’s not unlike the recent decision by Britain to pull out of the European Union to preserve its sovereignty. It’s not unlike states in human development. Two that come to mind are the terrible twos. I think the twos are called terrible because children seek independence from their parents and other caretakers because they are coming into their own. They are clumsy and awkward, but they are determined to get around! Unfortunately, they don’t yet recognize the limits of social and character boundaries, so tend to severely test those around them. The other significant stage of finding independence IS, of course, during the teenage years. Children are transitioning to adulthood with changing bodies, increased responsibilities and fewer apron strings. Yet their raging hormones and lack of fully developed prefrontal cortexes (decision-making that fully grasps consequences)...

040: Pushing Through Pain Mar14

040: Pushing Through Pain...

http://media.blubrry.com/gcoyl/p/media.medeor.co/gcoyl/40-Pushing_Through_Pain.mp3Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 42:02 — 38.5MB)What do you do when you’re hurting? Do you self medicate? Try to ignore it? Talk to someone? Fall apart? We all experience all kinds of pain througout our lives. In this episode, personal developer Jack Woloshun sits down again with Dr. Deb to discuss strategies for responding to pain and practical steps to ensure that we not only recover, but grow through the process. Quotes mentioned: “Five years from now, you’re the same person except for the people you’ve met and the books you’ve read.” – Basketball coach, John Wooden. “You’ll never change your life until you change something you do daily. The secret of your success is found in your daily routine.” – John C. Maxwell How you do anything is how you do everything.” – Franciscan Richard Rohr...

How do you start your day?...

“You’ll never change your life until you change something you do daily. The secret of your success is found in your daily routine.”  So said author, pastor and leadership guru, John C. Maxwell. We all have a morning routine. Of course it includes things like brushing your teeth, getting dressed and enjoying your favorite beverage. For some it also includes getting the kids ready, making lunches and ensuring everyone has what they need for the day. No matter who you are or what roles you rill, you need time to quiet your soul. And how you start your day can determine not only how your day goes, but how your life goes too. I used to get up and turn on the television to hear the morning news. But what I found over time that it was a terrible way to start my day. The chatter and stress of world events set me up to carry noise in my head throughout the day. What I discovered was key to changing my behavior. I realized that how I start my day influences the rest of the day…and my life. We all have to find our own path—our own routine and practices that work for us. I want to share what has worked well for me. Reflect. Read. Resolve. Reflect – A mark of our fast-paced “always on” lives is that we forget to take time to be silent and reflect. My morning routine involves making a lovely espresso drink and sitting in my favorite chair. I reflect on recent events, issues I’m dealing with, and the status of my relationships and goals. It means being silent and giving myself space to just be, think, process and feel. I give myself permission to just reflect. Read...

Pain Lessons

You can’t always get what you want. So said the great musical poet, Mick Jagger in the Rolling Stones classic song. How do you respond when you don’t get what you want? How do you respond to obstacles, or what best-selling author, Seth Godin, called “the dip?”* When you hit a roadblock (which could be an illness or any tough situation), you have choices. Do you ignore the problem, go around it, push through it, surrender to it? These past few weeks, I’ve had a health issue that has seriously cramped my style. And by style, I mean it has made it impossible for me to get much done. I am a doer and tend to judge the success of my day by how much I accomplish. At the beginning of the summer, I made a long list of tasks I wanted to accomplish during the warm weather and while I was less occupied with teaching. But time got away, and I’m not sure where the summer went. As a result, as the summer started to wind down, there were extra expectations I put on myself for one last push before school starts. And then I got a foot infection. Not only did it swell up, hurt and make me limp around. It also made me incredibly tired, and feeling like I had the flu. It’s been a real drag—for what seems like a long time. I realized I had a choice in my response. I could do the usual and stress about what I hadn’t accomplished. I could get angry at the illness. There were various emotional states and thoughts I could engage in. However, through this, I found myself mostly able to let expectations go and do what I could from my chair. After...

Do You Need A Life Coach?...

Albert Einstein said, “No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it.” During the past year I have been training to be a lay life coach. In addition to studying, I’ve also had the privileged of being coached myself; It’s been an incredibly life-giving and transformational experience, one that’s taken me to the next level in several aspects of my life. So I asked my own coach, Jeannette Slater, if she would write an article on this strategy in hopes that you might look for your own coach and give it a try. – Dr Deb. How many times have you come away from a conversation, a seminar, a good book or any other learning event thinking, “Wow, I would love to implement that in my life! It would make all the difference!”…and then the phone rings with the latest urgency and months later something is tickling in the back of your mind….”Oh yeah, I had good intentions…oh well…” Perhaps you need a personal life coach. A life coach is one who comes alongside you to help you clarify what your goals are. Then the coach helps you discern the next steps to reach your goals. They’re also there to cheer you on as you live out your plan. Coaching is all about helping you take what you hope for, dream, or imagine and making it become a reality. A life coach doesn’t come with direction or the answers.  Their role is not to tell you what to do, but to help you find the answers that are in you that you don’t know are there! They are more like a midwife than a counselor. The coach’s role is to listen and ask good questions that uncover the keys...

The Lost Art of Self-Reflection

For most of history, people got up with the sun and went to bed with it. Their worlds were very small, about as far as they could walk or ride a horse in a day. They heard the birds chirp. They were familiar with the stars. They were comfortable with silence and had time to think. That was then. This is now. In our busy world, we are always surrounded by sounds, demands, pressures and obligations. Silence and solitude are difficult to find. Being comfortable with our own thoughts is seemingly impossible. Everybody wants a piece of us. Before television, cars, electricity, billboards and city life (not to mention email, Facebook and all the overstimulation of the digital life), it must have been easier to engage in self-reflection. At least there weren’t so many distractions. I recently wrote about our need for holidays; we need the special ones as well as the  weekly ones some people call Sabbath. Those times give us pause to reflect on our lives. As a lay life coach, I pose four questions to new clients to help them reflect on where they’d like to grow. I encourage you to answer these questions for yourself. Also click the Rate Your Life link and score yourself on six life dimensions. As you reflect, you may learn some things about yourself and embark on a journey of growth, personal development and positive change. Questions: What are 1 or 2 things I think should be on the agenda for my life right now? If I could change one thing in my life right now, what would it be? What are the obstacles that are holding me back from reaching my potential in this season of my life? When I think ahead to 3 years from now, how do I want my life to be different?  ...

Holidays

A holiday is a special day set apart to celebrate something. Originally from the words, Holy Day, holidays have their roots in religious celebrations. Today we celebrate holidays that mark national and political days, birthdays, seasons, and remembrances as well as religious traditions. July 4th is a holiday in the United States, a day to remember our declaration of independence from England. It is celebrated with particular foods that usually include backyard grilling, camping, concerts and fireworks. Mostly it involves being with friends and family. Hindus celebrate Holi, a spring festival associated with Krishna where people throw colored talc on each other. Muslims celebrate Ramadan, a month of fasting during the day and feasting at night. Jews commemorate Passover and remember the time when God delivered them from Egypt. Christians mark Christmas and Easter, seasons associated with the arrival and sacrifice of Jesus the Christ. These holidays make us pause to remember and reflect on important things, connect us to God, and restore our souls. We need holidays. We need to remember. Sometimes we need special days to make us cease from our labors and spend time with people. We need holidays to stop and smell the roses. The English talk about “going on holiday,” what Americans would call “going on vacation.” Whatever you call them, we need them. Sundays are holidays we get to celebrate every week! I came to the realization a few years ago that Sundays are a gift. As much as I’d like to believe it, I do not have endless energy. I need days off. I need days to do nothing. If I choose to work on Sundays and other holidays, I am looking a gift horse in the mouth; I’m just being stupid. I have a new philosophy...

So Many Books, So Little Time...

Do you like to learn from books but don’t seem to find the time to read as much as you should? I’m so grateful some books are available in audio form, so I can read while doing other things. There are millions of books, more than anyone could ever read in a a thousand lifetimes. Some are pure entertainment. Some are a waste of time. But some are darn-right life-changing. As the famous American basketball coach John Wooden said, “Five years from now, you’re the same person except for the people you’ve met and the books you’ve read.” I find it challenging to read as many books as I’d like, so I’m grateful I can listen to many titles. I subscribe to Audible.com and download audio versions of books I want to read, directly to my computer and smartphone. I then listen to books when I’m doing other things, like driving, gardening or exercising. Even while doing dishes! It’s fantastic! I just finished Quitter, a book about how to get your dream job by Jon Acuff and A History of the World in 6 Glasses, a fun listen on history and how it was shaped by our favorite beverages by Tom Standage. Both are also available from Amazon as paper and Kindle books. It’s a great way to maximize my time and learn when I would otherwise be doing mundane things. You can download books straight from the Audible site. However, you get discounts if you become a subscriber. They have various introductory programs, one offing one free book and another priced @ $7.49/month for three months. You get one credit per month for buying audio books, but can purchase more (often for less than the monthly membership fee). After that you can choose your membership level. My only criticism...

Why Getting Control Of It ALL Is So Important Apr11

Why Getting Control Of It ALL Is So Important

“We like to pretend sometimes that we are made up of a system of buckets. We like to think we can live, ‘what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas,’ moments in one area of our lives without affecting other areas. It’s just not true. If you’re ailing in one portion of your life, it tends to infect the other portions. If there’s poison in a glass of water, no one says, ‘be careful, the middle of that water is poisoned.’ The same principle applies to your work.” – Jon Acuff, author of Quitter: Closing the Gap Between Your Day Job and Your Dream...