040: Pushing Through Pain Mar14

040: Pushing Through Pain...

http://media.blubrry.com/gcoyl/p/media.medeor.co/gcoyl/40-Pushing_Through_Pain.mp3Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 42:02 — 38.5MB)What do you do when you’re hurting? Do you self medicate? Try to ignore it? Talk to someone? Fall apart? We all experience all kinds of pain througout our lives. In this episode, personal developer Jack Woloshun sits down again with Dr. Deb to discuss strategies for responding to pain and practical steps to ensure that we not only recover, but grow through the process. Quotes mentioned: “Five years from now, you’re the same person except for the people you’ve met and the books you’ve read.” – Basketball coach, John Wooden. “You’ll never change your life until you change something you do daily. The secret of your success is found in your daily routine.” – John C. Maxwell How you do anything is how you do everything.” – Franciscan Richard Rohr...

How do you start your day?...

“You’ll never change your life until you change something you do daily. The secret of your success is found in your daily routine.”  So said author, pastor and leadership guru, John C. Maxwell. We all have a morning routine. Of course it includes things like brushing your teeth, getting dressed and enjoying your favorite beverage. For some it also includes getting the kids ready, making lunches and ensuring everyone has what they need for the day. No matter who you are or what roles you rill, you need time to quiet your soul. And how you start your day can determine not only how your day goes, but how your life goes too. I used to get up and turn on the television to hear the morning news. But what I found over time that it was a terrible way to start my day. The chatter and stress of world events set me up to carry noise in my head throughout the day. What I discovered was key to changing my behavior. I realized that how I start my day influences the rest of the day…and my life. We all have to find our own path—our own routine and practices that work for us. I want to share what has worked well for me. Reflect. Read. Resolve. Reflect – A mark of our fast-paced “always on” lives is that we forget to take time to be silent and reflect. My morning routine involves making a lovely espresso drink and sitting in my favorite chair. I reflect on recent events, issues I’m dealing with, and the status of my relationships and goals. It means being silent and giving myself space to just be, think, process and feel. I give myself permission to just reflect. Read...

Friendship

Do you have good friends? I really mean outrageously committed, better-than-you, willing-to-go-the-mile friends who love you at your best AND your worst? I often reflect on my life that has been so enriched with quality and diverse people. Yet the longer I live, I get to experience even more awesomely unconditional, profound levels of friendship. Every time I think I’ve reach the pinnacle of what friendships can be, I find another level. I was recently going through some particularly deep, troubling and emotionally disturbing issues. The cool thing is I didn’t have to go through them alone. I met with several close friends who helped me talk through and walk through intense pain, helping me come to new levels of freedom and release. But how seldom we allow ourselves to go to such depth. In my recent crisis, I was desperate, as the issues I faced were a long-time coming and connected to years of “stuff.” Isn’t that when we reach out? It’s often in the pain and suffering that we come to the end our ourselves and find ourselves in the arms of loving friends who not only comfort us, but help us graduate to the next level. I am blown away that so many people love me. They really, really love me. This makes me reflect on what had to be in place for that to happen. Have friends who are better than you. Don’t always be the smartest, most loving or wisest one in the room. Invest in others. Love them. Be generous with them. When you are in need, you’ll likely be surprised who steps up to love on you. Be vulnerable and open. When we open to others who are worthy of our trust, they can help us navigate...

Escaping Pleasantville...

“Unless there is some pressure, social or parental, pushing [an] infant the beyond pleasure principle, human nature tends to largely take the path of least resistance. We really do need prods, goads, ideals to help us think outside of the little boxes we all create for ourselves.” So said Franciscan and spiritual leader, Richard Rohr. We only know what we know. Unfortunately, we don’t know what we don’t know. If someone grows up in a house where daddy beats mommy everyday, the kids just thinks is normal. We naturally think that what we experience is what is real; it just is, and until we are exposed to an alternative, we think it’s normal. So unless we are exposed to different ways of thinking and living, we are destined to repeat the realities we previously experienced. Too often we prefer to live in the certainty (but very small town) of Pleasantville than face the uncertainty of a really big world full of wonderfulness. Pleasantville is a film released in 1998 about two modern-day kids who escape into the idealist 1950’s, black and white town of Pleasantville. If you haven’t read my post about the film, please click here. Unfortunately, we are often destined to do the same things over and over, expecting a different outcome, or maybe even happy with the same ole same ole. We get stuck, really stuck. A car stuck in the mud is useless. Muscles that are unused atrophy; they become dead weight. And a world that never changes succumbs to chaos and death. Do you really want a piece of you to die everyday? Do you want to grow increasingly irrelevant? Do you want to be the person you are today to be the you in ten years? Change can...

Pleasantville

It seemed everything was perfect. Kids were happy, fathers got a fully cooked dinner after a long day at work, the streets were clean, and there was no crime anywhere to be found. It was the idealized American 1950s. It’s all the residents of the small town knew. But life turned messy when two teenagers from the next century invaded their perfect space. You see, the place was a fictionalized town inside a fictionalized movie called Pleasantville released 1998. The film starred Tobey Maguire, Reese Witherspoon, William H. Macy, Jeff Daniels and Don Knotts. The film began in the 1990s. Tobey’s character David longed for the simplicity of the 1950s. The victim of his parents’ failed marriage, a stressed-out mother, and an absent father, David escaped his painful reality by watching old re-runs of a 1950s TV show, Pleasantville. And Reece’s character, Jennifer, was obsessed with being popular at school and sleeping with every high school boy she could seduce. Her value was based on being liked by others. One day, while fighting over the television remote, David and Jennifer were magically transported into the 1950s world of Pleasantville, only to find the town residents living in black-and-white, just like the TV show. What they found were isolated, ignorant and shallow residents. While everything seemed wonderful on the surface, the reality was that the townsfolk knew of nothing outside their tiny world, and were ignorant to the beauty of art, the mind-expanding knowledge of books and the intimacy of deep relationships. David and Jennifer could not help being who they were (their selves from the 1990s). As they interacted with Pleasantville’s residents, things began to change. As folks experienced beauty, choice, knowledge and passion, they began to change from 2-dimensional characters in black and white, to...

039: Get Past Stuck Feb15

039: Get Past Stuck

http://media.blubrry.com/gcoyl/p/media.medeor.co/gcoyl/GCOYL-039-Get-Past-Stuck.mp3Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 51:05 — 46.8MB)An interview with Mark Tuggle, author of the new book, Get Past Stuck: How to Take Control of Your Spiritual Journey and Experience Full Life in Christ. This podcast is for anyone who not only feels stuck, but also anyone who is questioning beliefs they grew up with or who has thrown out religion all together. The author discusses why church and other institutions keep people from asking hard questions and developing into mature thinkers. He also offers very practical steps in reclaiming your spirituality and developing your own unique faith journey. The book is available in paperback or Kindle version from Amazon. Tuggle suggests making 3 lists: Crap I no longer believe Things I’m not sure I believe anymore Things I still believe to be true You might also be interested in a related article by Richard Rohr on Cosmos Instead of Churchiness....

It is well

  Pain. Anger. Frustration. Disappointment. Loss. We all experience the vast range of human emotion. And sometimes our feelings get the best of us. I recently had a frustrating week. Nothing seemed to go as planned. I felt trapped. I REALLY started to lose perspective. I have friends going through really bad stuff: life-threatening illness, divorce, economic troubles, and all the other “surprises” life sometimes throws our way. When we are in the midst of distresses, it often seems impossible to regain sanity and feel normal. We start going down what I call the toilet of despair, that sinking feeling of going in circles and threatening to disappear. We have our problems. But often, when we glimpse into the troubles of others, we see how relatively insignificant our little problems are and can get a bird’s eye view again. I’m not minimizing personal struggles or even tragedies. But I do think we sometimes need help adjusting our perspective. The video below helped me do that. In my morning devotional a few days ago, I thought about the old hymn that has been so meaningful from time to time. “When peace, like a river, attendeth my way, When sorrows like sea billows roll; Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say, It is well, it is well, with my soul.” So I did a quick Google search to find the song. Then I came across this video. Not only did I get to listen to the beautiful words and music, but I also learned the tragic story of the author. Horatio Spafford was a prominent lawyer in the 1800s who seemed to have it all…and loose it all. But he never lost his faith. Turns out his lyrics transcend time and space. I found we...

For the Birds

Birds of a feather flock together. The saying came to mind when I recently drove by a park where a couple of hundred Canada geese were resting comfortably in the cold. Research shows that it’s not only birds that hang out with their own kind. People do too. It’s a myth that opposites attract; in fact, similar do. Multiple studies and simple observations show this. I even found this when I studied audience reactions to an African film. Even though the film was made in a completely different culture and region, audience members were drawn to the characters and story because of the cultural proximity. One person said, “They’re African like me!” In a time and place lacking locally made films, seeing people like them on a screen was significant. If you give cameras to budding photography students, and they go and shoot people who look like them. Whites photograph whites. Polynesians photograph Polynesians, etc. Ask people with whom they socialize and they will likely tell you about friends from their church, neighborhood, work or kid’s school. They tend to be of the same ethnicity, economic strata and education level. They also tend to be the same religion. We are quite naturally drawn to those who are similar us. But we don’t have to limit ourselves. We are not birds! We have the sophistication to be driven by factors other than instinct! We have free will, live in complex social networks, and have the ability to create new realities. We can actually rise above the narrow limitations of our social groups and actively seek out new ones. But it takes intentionality. I used to work with a very close-knit group. Even though group members were spread around the world, we had a pretty narrow...

Get Control Of Your Money Jan06

Get Control Of Your Money...

  With the New Year comes lots of attention on starting over and getting things in order. Try finding a parking spot at your local gym! And check out the closet organizing systems on sale in January! One area worth evaluating is your financial life. If you’re like me, you need a system to keep track of your income, bills, spending, and budgeting. For the past four years I’ve used a great piece of software called YNAB, short for You Need A Budget. Even though I’m still working on the budgeting aspect, YNAB has certainly helped me keep better records and track my spending. Now YNAB has taken its method and software to a completely new level. Instead of relying on a downloadable software package, YNAB has now become an online tool that connects all of your devices with your banks, credit cards and other financial institutions. Being web-based, it can more easily updated, and improved, and not rely on your precious storage of Dropbox. I can access YNAB on my computer, smart phone or tablet, all perfectly in sync and up-to-date with your banks and each other. Reconciling is not longer a much-dreaded, tedious process, rather a simple matter of assigning imported expenses to your priorities. YNAB‘s founder, Jesse Meecham, says he and other early adopters of the new YNAB are actually reconciling more often because it’s less work, making them keep on top of their financial activity more than ever. I am currently taking advantage of a free 34-day trial, using YNAB to sync with my financial institutions and give me a birds-eye view of all my accounts in one screen. No more logging onto separate bank websites to check on balances; I can even see my current mortgage status! In a...

resolutions #2

In my last article I opined that setting SMART goals is much more systematic and effective than making resolutions.